All those moments will be lost in time.

It didn't used to be this way, everything has changed drastically. Even the "Perfect Ten" has changed, with more and more people joining everyday. The day that we may end up as strangers is coming soon. Well, probably it's just me and you. I'm afraid to see changes in my life. I know that you probably have felt really disappointed with me for my behaviour and words but I really long for my old self too. I don't know what's wrong with me recently, I just couldn't handle my emotions well enough. I apologise sincerely for that, I'm really sorry, R. I hate those "touch-and-gos". But, don't you feel weird when many goes to you and befriend you, because they needed someone? Well, I do. It feels as though I'm not of any importance to you and was simply being replaced. I really hope that everything will be back to normal because you'll always be my best friend. (I hope you will come across this post)

And yes, recently I got back my O level Chinese results. A real disappointment for me. I studied really hard for it, hoping that I can get an A1. Yet my grades were the same as those who were weaker in Chinese. I felt pressurised by the people around me as my friends and Chinese teacher said that my standards will assure me an A. When my teacher announced my results, she said “ 祖儿，B3。 她现在很难过，我也为她感到很难过因为她是不应该得到B3 的。我觉得，她的成绩和D7 没有什么差别”。Sigh. In life, there are never-ending hurdles for us to overcome. We just have to get back on the right track and work harder than before with great determination to face them.

Everything wasn't as good as expected. There's chances of me retaining, in fact, high chances, according to Ms Chua. I did badly for my Midyears which means that I don't fit the criteria of Direct School Admission. Well, I have always told myself that I've to work hard if I want to pursue canoeing. However, the zeal in me can never last. I don't know why, but I'm just.very.easily.distracted. I was supposed to make full use of my holidays, prove to those who look down on me and do well for Prelims and O' levels. But, who knows I might just fail O levels (which everyone calls it easy)? Like almost everyone, I want to go to a Junior College. My reasons might not be the same as others, but I have two main reasons. Firstly, I want to canoe. Secondly, I want pursue Sport Science in NTU. And. I guess, I don't have the courage to face this 'somebody' if I really entered the Polytechnic with my desired course. What more, in the same team. Sigh. I'm just going to try to leave it as it is and see how things go.

I dont feel secure nowadays. I dont know what's wrong with me. I want someone to assure me that once i close my eyes, everything will just fall to a situation that i want it to be. I'm beginning to isolate myself from my class.. perhaps I feel that I've got nothing to say or what. I'm puzzled for that change in me. Everyone thinks I'm those 'happy-go-lucky' person, but I suppose I'm not at all. Sometimes, you are laughing but only you yourself know that you're just laughing to make your friends feel happier, in a way. I want to 'mask' myself. I hate it when someone who I feel is close to me, do not understand or misunderstand me greatly. It's normal, I understand. It's partly because I dont feel the need to explain myself.

I have officially stepped down from KC ODAC.. All I can say is, I'm very proud of the team because they are more matured and disciplined, compared to the old them. AND I SERIOUSLY MISS YOU GUYS TTM. Well. This year, we got the title for B div db! However, something major happened in the B div 10 man finals.. We lost to Njc and I had a major asthma attack. Everyone was carrying and helping me, then I was named PRINCESS ANG :) Okay so now is the mugging period. I suppose I'm DSAing to TPJC. If not, SAJC. I really wanna do well for mid years man.

I feel like a hollow shell of the strong girl I used to be.

Okay well. Back to school after not going school for a week. Time to switch to studies. National Interschools Canoeing - St Andrew's Jc approached me and I'm still contemplating about which Jc to go. Yes we lost to Temasek in the 1000m race. Well we were upset, we cried badly. I was thinking, "Why aren't we sparing a thought for others, those who didn't get to compete or win?" In life, when we are second, we will still never be satisfied because we want to be first. At that time, I became angry and was about to murder someone with my sissy, we were vengeful.

I remembered what Ignatius said to me before my race - "Less stress/Less pressure = More happiness and relax when rowing = Perform better = No screw ups = WIN!! :D " Got back our gold in the 500m race and I still can't describe the happiness in me when we got first, it was photofinish but I was the only one who was very sure that we got first at the finishing line. Then, Temasek girls cried. Well it was really close, I wanted to say good job to Xinhui but I didn't dare. When she cooled down, she came to me and said good job then hugged each other. My batch girls came in with a C division third and are leaving as B div champions :) I LOVE KC ODAC'10 TTM. Went for steamboat with wifey, sissy, christine, mr chua and tpjc @ Bugis. It was damn retarded. Jasper with raw eggs. Christine eating hell lot. Kelvin's retardedness. Cyrus being slow. Zuo Xian and his vege power. Zheng Yong walking ard eating. Arun eating raw vege.

Now we have to switch to Dragonboat, trying to adapt but it's difficult. I want to retain the titles. "Train like dogs, Win like champions."

You were just a wish that could turn out well

I'm in a dilemma right now, I don't know if i'm made the right decision. I do feel restricted at times, but i chose this path. Regretting right now would be a little silly. Anyway I don't know how i should lead my life right now. Nothing seems right, be it studies or canoe, really.

Talk about the 'RESET' button in life.
Perhaps you will want to hit the 'RESET' button, because you regret most of your actions and doing most of the time and you really wish to rewind back and correct your silly mistakes. That's because you want to rectify whatever that have happened and want to perfect in whatever you do. Well its not like you have a chance to find that 'RESET' button. So why dwell on the past and bring yourself down?
We're all victims of painful memories and bitter regrets

You were just a wish that could turn out well

Back to blogging, it's been ages ever since I last blogged. Brief updates since 9th January. Canoe Marathon is over and we got fourth placing, lost to Hwa Chong Institution by just a metre or so. I cried after my race when I wasn't supposed to. I tried to control my tears. Didn't want to be label as weak and dependant. Hahah fortunately I've got my dear friends who always made me smile. Thanks Sissy, Wifey, Kelvin, Jasper, Kc and Tpjc fellow canoemates. And of course, Kimbly. Sorry Kimbly but I was impressed with our timing -2 hours and 20 mins. Miss the times in K2 tgt and Thanks love :) From then onwards, I was the K4's front rower with Sissy, Wifey and Jo.We trained really hard and our best for 250m was 63s. Let's work hard, K4! :) Also, Kimbly and I baked "rock cookies" for our dear friends for Valentine's. Happy Valentine's Day, Happy CNY and Happy Birthday Ignatius Tan Wei Yang~

Anw I've been failing tests, I don't know why. I did studied. But everything isn't going the way I want it to be. Hate it ugh. Oh I still wna grow taller, like hit 163 and I'll be over the moon. And why is it that so many of my friends are feeling troubled over the issue - love? I hope this issue of heartbroken and feeling depressed shit shall be ban forever~ I'm scared that all good things will come to an end, so please make things right. I want to forget but somehow it is easier said than doing. Because I loved you but you were just a heartbreaker. I should have guard my heart better. I'm moving on alrdy byebye screw you up. Probably stranger soon.

"Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much. For fear that the other person may not care as much, or at all. "

Time after time.

A week more to Canoe Marathon. The twenty-two kilometre race that's gonna kill the five of us who are taking part under Juniors event. It's time for me to start running this week... Build up stamina!! No more of slacking :)

So true, I should learn to do that.

"Always love the people who treat you right and forget the ones who don't. Don't have regrets and forgive when people aren't even sorry. Let go of what you cant change. Love what you've got but remember what you had."

I felt so lazy so I didn't go to school yesterday. Instead, I had training that afternoon and it was one of the best trg I had. A good start for the year. I think yesterday's timing was a great improvement, our best record ever. Our 14 km timetrial timing is 1:26, it used to be 1:27,1:31,1:42. See, how much we shave off. Well, our 22km timetrial timing is 2:27. Is that alright? Because I've completely no idea. Next training see us shave off even more minutes. And I've always wanted to place our butts on the Nelo Vanquish K2 because the boat is only 14kg, hoping that it will be our favourite boat forever and ever~ Actually, Peisheng K2 (Snow White) isn't that bad... It's just rather unstable for the time being because the boat is tilting. Did I mention that I'm the back rower, at least for Canoe Marathon? I feel that, with Kimberlyn as the front rower, it would be better because the boat feels faster this way. And let's get our hands on the gold medal, Kimberlyn!! Way to go :)

School was nice today, except for English. It was plainly boring because nobody understood what she was saying. Also, she said something about me putting my hands under the table. I was tying my shoelaces and she suspected that I was using my phone. A change of teacher. Chinese too, our favourite pgytan is no longer with us... I miss her alot!! It seems that both my language teachers are Gone. It's time for me to work hard :)